sex

Sex workers rights vs. “save the whores” Enough is enough, the law applies to everyone Gail Dines, her porn training program, and me (shutting up now, back to your regularly slated blogging…woohoo, counting down to Chi-Town!)

Spare Us Paternalism, Say Organizing Chicago Sex Workers I really liked this article. And, yes, SWOP Chicago gets representation!

$pread Magazine launched the $pread 2008 Voter Guide today as part of Grind The Vote 2008, a voter registration drive covered by Bound, Not Gagged here. The Voter Guide taps into the positions of the two major-party presidential candidates and their positions on health care, immigration, reproduction rights, LGBT rights, labor rights, drugs and harm reduction, and affordable housing. From the Voter Guide: In an effort to connect the dots of party politics, $pread Magazine has compiled this voter guide setting forth the positions of the two major-party presidential candidates, Barack Obama and…

(Because this blog can’t be all work and no play! WARNING: Explicit language. Please do not read if you are offended by such matter or are under 18. And this is not meant to be literary perfection- it is simply my reflection on a perfect afternoon.) So I recently flew to California at the request of one of my favorite clients. He’d suddenly had a day open and all to himself, and he suggested I join him in the country for an afternoon of decadence. He’d reserved a room for the day at a resort in an idyllic location with a breath-taking view of rolling hills covered with oak…

Group considers relaxing internet naming rules If ICANN [Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers] approves the proposals, the world of .com and .org and country names like .jp or .fr would be opened to a much wider choice, such as .hotel or .sex. Just the thought of .sex has bloggers predicting an auction frenzy, as almost any word in any language could become a domain name extension. “You can almost guarantee the most highly sought-after one will, unfortunately, probably be dot-sex,” said Bryan Glick of Computing Magazine.

MTSS examines THE PENIS (despite other website claims, watching this episode will not make it bigger).

Party.

I'm so over you... Hold me.

It's not going to lick itself.

We primarily look at mainstream porn, but there is a wealth of material out there. Some good, some bad, and some hilarious.

Amsterdam and the Pinched festival were ridiculously fun and amazing. i have some more thoughtful posts in the works about the people and the ideas I spent time with during my time in Amsterdam, but for now, let’s kick things off with some photos - and one video. I have more video on the way: I have footage for two more episodes of Naked City TV, plus video of the Drag King Fem Show performing, which I’m working on editing. Those of you who are my Flickr contacts have seen these pics already, but here are my faves. In the Rembrandtplein, there is a statue rendition of…

In twelve hours, I’ll be on a plane to Amsterdam and a total sex nerd extravaganza! I have a big pile of work to do before I go (eep), but I’m SO looking forward to getting out of New York for a while. I’m going to Amsterdam for the Pinched festival, where I’m giving a talk called “Making Sex Media for a Radical Future” on Saturday. I’m pretty stoked about that, but mostly I’m stoked about hanging out with weird and crazy sex nerds. Upon arrival tomorrow after my red eye tonight, my traveling partner (Eliyanna from $pread, yay!) and I are headed…

A few weeks ago, I was in the company of a fetish model who kept vociferously stating that she does not do nudity. She wasn’t responding to anyone asking her to spread her legs, she was just stating it for the record in a way that made it clear that she has a lot of contempt for people who get naked for money. I wanted to slap her. It was clear that not only did she think she was participating in a higher form of art by not revealing her mons pubis, but that she herself was an artist for not getting naked and appealing to baser instincts. Whatever. Now - to be clear, there are LOTS of…

This is a re-post of a ranty, frustrated post I put up on my Tumblr yesterday afternoon. I feel about 15% less insane than I did yesterday, but I still need fixing. Though I initially posted on Tumblr and tweeted my frustration so this wasn’t all front and center on my “official,” “professional” website - fuck that. This is what my life has been like lately. This is the struggle I’m having, the failures I’m feeling. Inevitably, it seems that these days someone is always annoyed with me and my inability to do things faster. And I’m annoyed with…

I know it’s been radio silence over here on Waking Vixen, but I’ve been keeping busy working on Naked City, my blog for the Village Voice. This is the blog’s tenth week, which means that I’ve not only written more than 200 blog posts, but that I’ve now shot and edited 10 episodes of Naked City TV. I’ve learned a lot from shooting the show, and it’s taken me on interesting adventures. Here’s a wrap-up of all the episodes of Naked City TV so far. This week’s episode, an interview with renowed fetish photographer and obsessive collector Eric…

Few plaintiffs joined a class action suit brought against the video game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, which contained sex scenes buried in its software.

The sworn virgin is disappearing in Albania as sexual equality and modernity come to the country.

Thomas Beatie is the first pregnant transman to go public, exposing a mass audience to alterations in the outlines of gender that may be outpacing our comprehension.

Scientists believe the distinctive calls made by female chimpanzees during sex take social factors into account.

A new documentary about bisexuality provides scientific evidence that places female sexuality along a continuum between heterosexuality and homosexuality, rather than as an either-or phenomenon.

Okay, this might be a stupid question, but eh.Never in my life have I had a light period,its always been normal or heavy.Last months period was normal.This month, however, I had barely any blood,and it ended quickly. [one-three days]and a couple days before my period started Ihad EXTREME light colored stuff coming out,I'm not sure if it was blood, or what.I am sexually active, but I haven't hadsex for the last...likeeee....month or so?My partner and I are always very safe, but who knows.

So, I started my 2nd pack of birth control and my boyfriend and I finally got the PLANNED sex without a condom we had been waiting for. It was good, but hurt a little bit afterwards and I wasn't sure why. I figured it was just because I was a little dry (but ive heard birth control does that) and the sensitive skin was just mad at me.Yesterday we had sex again, but this time used some KY warming lube, which made everything a lot better...until afterwards. It wasn't so bad that it hurt to pee, but I had to curl up in a ball for a little bit until the burning stopped. It stopped hurting after…

Hi folks,I recently read Taking Charge of Your Fertility (AMAZING book, I highly recommend it even to women who aren't interested in conceiving or in contraception -- you will learn so much!) and decided that I'd like to start using FAM to keep track of my cycles as I come off of HBC. Partly because I'm anxious when it comes to contraception, and partly because I am fascinated by my own body, I'd like to keep track of my cervix during my cycle. The problem is, I'm not quite sure if I've managed to find it or not.I reached up in there and found an area that has a little nub and does feel kind…

So, forgive me if this is TMI, but I'm just really curious and slightly worried. I have an appointment scheduled with the gyno, but for some reason I couldn't get one until the end of July.So basically... Below the entrance to my vajayjay and above my, uh, perineum (but still on the vagina), there are some odd bumps, but at the same time, not bumps. Its hard to explain. It hurts to touch them but they don't hurt and seem to be completely unaffected during sex. They look almost like a tear, given the way the skin is, but they're bumps. I'm just clueless as to what they could be, and was…

So, I had a hardcore nap this afternoon- I passed out at 1:30, woke up two hours later in the same position I zonked out in, and because of that, my left arm felt like a sack of bricks and it felt like I pulled something in my shoulder. Later on, after I got to work at 5, I noticed that my left boob was sore too- I secretly pushed on it to feel for lumps and didn't find any, thank god (I hope my co-worker didn't think I was groping myself, haha), but it was sore whenever I reached over to grab something, and it's sore whenever I lean down. It feels like the one time I accidentally pulled a…

This is a phone message from perhaps the douchiest dude in the world. Yet, why does it sound so damn familiar? "The back story on this is that a girl named Olga was out with her friends in the Marina district of San Francisco (known for being a popular hang out for douches), and she talked to this guy named Dmitri for all of two minutes. Then she gave him her card and said 'give me a call.' The above is the messages he left. Listen to the whole thing, it just keeps getting better and better. I won’t even tell you my favorite parts because i don’t want to ruin anything. Just…

Hi! I need some advice as I am driving myself crazy! I went to a party that was non-work related, but with co workers. My boss and I ended up getting very drunk and having sex. He passed out after and I went home. Oops! The next day, I was not sure whether he remembered or not. At work on Monday,...

Fourth of July conjures up memories of steamed crabs, fireflies, and sparklers. Yeah, those things are kind of random, but that's the protocol for a late afternoon Baltimore cookout in the summer oh, and terrible, terrible cheap beer. One would have to head further South to get real fireworks,...

In my house, my hippie mother felt that it was more natural for me to see movies with naked people making love (that's the term 8 out of 10 hippie mothers preferred) than movies where people were trying to kill each other. As it was, I was totally accustomed to seeing breasts on our early...

We happened to catch an interview with Jay-Z on the Jonathan Ross Show in London last week, and we have to say: that dude is funny. And charming. (Jay-Z, we mean...or Jay-Zed, as Jonathan Ross nicknamed him.) Who knew? Well, besides Beyoncé. We never really got what she saw in him before--and now,...

I'm still here, around the blogosphere. I've just been extremely busy with work, kids in the summertime, and other blogging activities. Plus, I've caved to Twitter.Me, on TwitterColor Me HuntsvilleAnd I may even start ANOTHER blog; a golfing blog, to chronicle my new endeavor.Can you believe I STILL have not seen the Sex and the City movie?! It is baffling I tell ya. I think I'll wait until it comes out on "On Demand" for cable so I can sit and enjoy it in the privacy of my own home. Orignal content by c.a. Marks, blog author of Sex and the South

A child, who isn't my own, smiled at me today. For a split second His innocence made my heart leap with joy.This morning I went to a book club discussion. I have never met these ladies before but a friend of mine who somewhat knows them invited me along. The book we read was titled, "The Shack" and it was just a short little piece of fiction. It was entertaining and I enjoyed it; both the book and the discussion. This group of women all knew each other from their church. When I first found out about the book and it was a "Christian" book I was a little hesitant. I don't like to be pushed…

Heh. Gotcha.Can you believe that tonight is FINALLY the premiere of the highly anticipated Sex and the City movie here in Alabama? And wouldn't you know it; I have a prior commitment. We received an invitation in the mail, months and months ago, to attend a friend's wedding vow renewal ceremony and reception. Oh well. I really didn't want to see the movie with the big crowds anyway. Orignal content by c.a. Marks, blog author of Sex and the South

If you are a regular reader of Sex and the South then I want to share something with you. As you know, in November, I am marrying The Gent. Since we already live in southern sinful bliss, and will not need any household items, we are not going to register for wedding gifts. We also are not having a reception. You know, cause after all, The World's Largest Cocktail Party is happening the day of our wedding. I just thank God we didn't have a choice in the matter but to have a morning wedding. We will get to watch the game later in the afternoon. Yes, college football is THAT important in the…

I'm posting at my original blog nowadays. Alabama Improper, and it has a new look.Sex & The South will stay around but I'll be over at the other one more often. Posting here will be very light. Thanks. Orignal content by c.a. Marks, blog author of Sex and the South

President Bush’s economic stimulus plan, which involved sending out checks of up to $1,200 to every taxpayer, has provided a boom to the online porn industry, according to market research. Research by the Adult Internet Market Research Company (AIMRCo) has found that since the checks were sent out there has been an uncharacteristic increase in spending for online pornography sites. Acc...

Alive was a smaller festival than Ichthus. Strange things happened here though... People are so funny. Lauren decided that she was going to hand out flyers and really promote the message of The Love Alliance… the problem was that every other person would decline the FREE flyer!I had a similar thing. When asking a woman (who was looking through our T-Shirt bin) if she wanted to know what XXX...

I never knew what Onanism was till today. Me and intern UK Jon were chilling in the flowered out hotel room (see pic), up at a youth retreat on Mackinac Island MI and one of the sessions we were doing was about helping students with the temptation of Onanism.Jon made fun of me because I didn't know what it meant. He explained it was what many people consider to be the first and only dude in the Bi...

After setting up for Alive Festival we went to Wal-Mart to pick up some food that we could have for the festival. We got our food and then went to leave. As we were putting our shopping in the car a guy comes up and says, “‘#1 Christian Porn Site’! What does that mean?”“Well, We’re an online ministry that helps people with pornography addiction.”Then it al...

Hey guys this is not my blog but I needed some help. My friend Steven Luff and I are working on a project for MEN. Men only, sorry ladies but Shellie R. Warren has you covered on that one. Anyways, here is what we are in need of. Please feel free to share on the comments section.  We need anonymous quotes from healthy Christian husbands regarding how much of a blessing their sex lives h...

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Nancy Slotnick, the creator of the Facebook application Cablight. Nancy dares to ask, “Isn’t it as important to manage your love life as it is to manage your career?” Absolutely! Meeting people can get quite confusing and overwhelming, especially in the New York dating scene. But what if you’re looking for someone and people don’t know you’re available? Nancy may have found the solution. There is no question that social site like Facebook have made meeting people a lot easier, hopefully this application will…

Don’t Do This - CNN Old School Pride - OurChart Good News - Luxurious Vulgarity How To Get A Boyfriend - Yankee Pot Roast McGlynn’s Favorite Pick-up Lines - Nick McGlynn

The New York Times Vows section has always been an interesting phenomenon, more or less a way for the socially well-connected (or somewhat lucky) to share — and receive validation of — their love on the global scale. It’s touching, cute, and possibly anxiety inducing, depending on your relationship status; on the whole, fluff at its finest. But now the Times has upped the ante, turning their print feature into a full-on video extravaganza. We know video is the wave of the future, but there’s something fundamentally odd about watching people we neither know or care much…

For those paying attention to the Valleywag-Boing Boing-Violet Blue corner of the blogiverse, the past few days have been a bit of a, well, clusterfuck. For those who haven’t been playing along at home, the short version of the story is this: not too long ago, Violet Blue discovered that Boing Boing had deleted all mentions of her name from their archives. Valleywag picked up the story and ran with it, revealing first that a) Violet Blue had been romantically involved with Boing Boinger Xeni Jardin, then later that b) Valleywag reporter Melissa Gira Grant was — by way of a few…

If you’ve been to Wal-Mart’s website lately (because, um… well, you might have!), you may have noticed a brand spanking new logo. Instead of a patriotic blue star, the logo is now adorned with a little yellow asterisk that bears some resemblance to… well, we’ll let Kurt Vonnegut do the talking for us: Subliminal messages, perhaps? We’re starting to get a serious urge to stock up on personal lubricant. Does Wal-Mart stock that? [Thanks, Irene!]

Every Thursday, Naked City expands your pornographic worldview with tales from the far reaches of the earth. Four international pornographers share this space to tell all about the experiences of being porny and making porn outside of the United States. Bren Ryder is the creator of Good Dyke Porn, an independent amateur hard core pornographic video website which proudly features authentic queer women having amazingly hot sex. I had a conversation with a friend recently who is a no-nonsense, out-spoken, hard-core feminist about porn. We were talking about what I do and she listened politely as…

French painter Sylvain Lainé has a whole series of oil paint portraits of Paris' ladies of the night, who mostly appear to be hanging around in bars while wearing thigh high stockings. --Audacia Ray

1:30pm: Consistently surprised at the number of people who give a fuck what I'm doing. 3.30pm: K just called me from a van in a South American metropolis! I was a smartass & asked if he was kidnapped. He said no, but next week if I shoot my mouth off like that, he'll show me what that hole is for. Um, promise? 5.00pm: Considering how much sex I usually have, I know I have no room to complain, but. This girl will be tres heureuse when K gets back. Yay for vibrators, boo for absence of boyflesh. 7.15pm: The super-quiet, super-beatific waiter at my sushi place makes me quiver. Like, I want to…

There's a lot of really excellent and inspiring activism and research happening with regards to transgender and transsexual populations. Here in New York, the National Development and Research Institutes has a transgender project that, according to its mission statement, "is designed to describe the economic, social and personal, family and workplace experiences of male to female trans-persons, how these experiences change over the course of our lives, and the impact of these experiences on our mental and physical health." Naked City contributor Charlie Vasquez had some questions for NDRI's…

The Pavlova Lace Collection by Trashy Lingerie is truly fabulous, but as interesting as all the pieces are, I can't help but think that the name of the collection is one of the best things about it. Maybe I'm a huge nerd (ok, that much is true), but the sly suggestion of the name Pavlov - as in, the Russian scientist who discovered that his dog salivated if he rang a bell and gave it food - is pretty terrific. --Audacia Ray

qDot pinged me last night to let me know that the Rubbot is entering beta and seeking testers. Rubbot.com is a unique project to design a revolutionary new automated adult sextoy for men. We’re convinced that a male sex toy must be: compact, hands-free, cool-looking and . . . let’s just say, “effective”. Here’s the video of the first prototype, to give you some idea of where they’re going with this: I would love to be part of the beta project and write a column about it. I’ll keep you posted.

Today’s Afternoon Advice with Tiffany Granath began with an interesting conversation about last night’s History Channel documentary, All About Dung (”…the historical, medical, scientific and evolutionary importance of poop on an excremental safari guaranteed to fascinate even the most squeamish of viewers. You’ll be surprised by the amazing manner in which the world puts dung to use…”). Tiffany then segued into Sex in the News with “and equally fascinating, is Regina Lynn!” which cracked us all up. We started with my discovery of a word…

The hot babe in this commercial is my friend/horse trainer Jenni, who mentioned to me she had done the shoot but did not let me know it was SEX — she just innocently sent me the link today. Hilarious.

I’m still working through the kinks - heh - in my Spam Karma plugin, which seems to be doing a lot of false positives without notifying me that it’s caught something. I’m setting up a calendar reminder to check the Spam bucket twice a day while I figure out how to shut it up. I might just turn it off and see what happens, if this keeps up, because I hate that your comments aren’t posting!

I must have been doing Sex in the News on Playboy Radio for more than a month, now, ’cause our host Tiffany Granath started the show with the report that her period started — painfully — last night, and then ensued a discussion about who follows whose schedule, and that Marie’s will be a couple of days late too because Tiffany’s was. (Yet again, I give thanks for the Pill effect, in which I always know exactly when Week 0 will occur.) And I know we’ve talked about that on a previous episode…which means it’s really happening, I really do get to…

Americans will be familiar with the hunt-the-needle-in-the-haystack approach of the State and Justice Departments in looking for victims of human trafficking. Jerry Markon exposed the hiatus between the actual evidence and the claims in an article in the Washington Post. The resources utilised for the yield obtained resembled the hunt for weapons of mass destruction. The equivalent in the United Kingdom is the Police and UK Human Trafficking Centre operations known as Pentameter. This week's release of figures from the second operation triggered off the predictable moral panic and demand…

The story in last Thursday's New York Times began: Twenty-one sexually exploited children have been saved from the streets, and 389 people arrested on charges of trafficking children for prostitution, in what the Federal Bureau of Investigation calls the largest such multistate sweep ever, officials said Wednesday. The five-day operation, this week and last, spanned 16 cities and involved hundreds of local, state and federal agencies in the work of rescuing missing children, many of them runaways, and identifying networks behind domestic child trafficking for the sex trade. (Susan Saulny,…

Ellie (Lumpesse) has recently written about the frustration of combining being a sex worker with having another career (doctoral student) and the difficulties of keeping these apart and the internal pressures to come out. There is nothing unique in Ellie's dilemma, it is actually one of the most difficult things that indoor sex workers have to deal with. This is well described by Teela Sanders in her paper 'It's just acting' dealing with the emotional labour involved in keeping two lives separate. This in itself, is partly the result of the external violence of stigma, and…

Much gratitude to Renee of Womanist Musings , blogging also at Feministe on June 23rd to remind us all about the killing of women in the Niagra Falls region: When you think of the Niagara region immediately the mind turns to the majestic falls. Some who have spent more than an afternoon here will think of places like the Welland Canal, The Skylon Tower, Fallsview Casino, Clifton Hill, and maybe even the dearth of reasonably priced hotels, and restaurants. The aforementioned sites are the Niagara region you are supposed to think about. It is what you will find printed in all of those handy…

What are the political issues that matter to sex workers? Quite often the ones that matter to most people: Affordable housing, health care, labor rights, immigrant rights, day care, reproductive rights, violence against women, and protection of privacy and civil liberties. It's no surprise then that sex workers are taking on the "Rock the vote" model and putting on their own voter registration and mobilization efforts, and we applaud and support that grass roots work. Want more information? From $pread Magazine: From Sin City to the Big Apple, sex workers are organizing for…

Coyote started on again. He came to a camp. He inquired about the location of the chief's camp. Someone told him, "See that tipi over there with the reddish smoke flap? That's where the chief lives." Coyote went over there. He entered the tipi. A woman was in there. He...

I can't keep my lip buttoned any longer; it's too embarrassing. Typepad, my blog server, rolled out a new interface in late May— and it's so buggy and unpredictable, that I don't know from one day to the next whether I can post at all— or if my stories will...

Susie Talks to the Strip Poker and Sex Game Experts Download the free interview! Here's the iTunes link. Susie investigates why people love Sex Games— the card-playing, "Truth or Dare" kind— and why usually-monogamous couples will push the envelope if "rules of the game" are employed. One avid player named...

Susie Talks with Katha Pollitt at The Nation: Download the free interview! Here's the iTunes link. Susie talks with feminist author Katha Pollitt, one of the mothers of American women's liberation, and notorious for her Nation magazine column "Subject to Debate". Susie and Katha talk about how sexual liberation got...

Today I got my author's copy of a new anthology, The Maternal is Political. My story in the collection, "First Grade Values," is about the year when my daughter turned six, and shocked me with her innocent recitations of playground politics: "I'm going to clean up after the boys today,...

toomuchawesome: Will Harvard Turn Blind Eye to Patrick Hamm Case? At Harvard, few have been hit by the urge to expose themselves than 20-year-old junior Lena Chen. Over the past few months, Chen has blogged and twittered about a new man in her life: “Patrick.” When she started posting pictures of her beau, “Patrick’s” identity immediately became obvious: Patrick Hamm, who holds a Teaching Fellowship with Harvard’s department of sociology. That’s when Chen’s bloggings and twitterings added up to scandal. Patrick Hamm teaches for the sociology department, where Chen is a…

Read this for context.  I talked to Susannah Breslin today about what it’s like in college nowadays and what I think about what others think and how I handle all the shit that’s thrown at my blog and views on sexuality. Mid-interview, I verbalized for the first time something that I didn’t realize until recently. I don’t care anymore what people think.This hasn’t always been the case. I used to care what my friends thought, then I cared what my readers thought, then I cared what agents and producers and capitalist goons thought. And I’ve always…

(A more accurate title might be, “Sorry I didn’t sleep with you last summer!”) Anyway, remember that time I was abstinent? Yeah, it happened. April of last year. When I realized the guy I was into at the time was a cheater, compulsive liar, and probably a sociopath. (This was the same guy who later published nude photos of me.) After I compared stories with the OTHER girl he was fucking, I started screening his calls, quit believing in romance, and decided to let my hymen grow out. I was so angry (not heartbroken, not sad, but PISSED OFF) that I was determined to not repeat…

Patrick is not my boyfriend. He is this great, new person in my life but I am not in any rush to define what we are, now or ever. My friends don’t understand this. “Oh, but he is!” they say. Or “Whatever, don’t even try to deny it.” Really, guys, he’s not my boyfriend. He and I have had entire conversations about how he is not my boyfriend. In fact, if one more person who ought to know better calls him my boyfriend again, I might just have to get a t-shirt that reads “Please remove your label from my relationship.” Because to me, Patrick…

In a profile of me for her creative writing course, my friend called me the “girl alone in the riot-proof dorm.” That’s what the past year has been for me: solitude, safety, self-sufficiency. It is everything that seemed impossible less than two years ago. Contentment is harder to express than the depression or rage of my nineteenth year. How do you say “I am happy” in any way but just that? Pain is common, universal, widely felt, and mulled over. Happiness is fleeting and even if everyone’s had a taste, no one really remembers it or knows it beyond the…

I wrote this piece two years ago to honor my loss of my first dog, the legendary Spencer. I've reposted it here because try as I might, I don't think I could write anything more beautiful and right. Three years ago on 3 July 2003, I euthanized my dog, the Legendary Spencer. I quail a bit at the word “euthanize”; I find my chest contracts at it. It’s an ugly word. To my mind, though, the euphemisms are worse: put down like an insult or put to sleep like a child, as if there is a time when he, my furry eternal toddler, will rise again. Three years ago Spencer and I took our last walk. I…

Forgive me. I’m not feeling particularly jaunty at the moment. I’m solidly back in the doldrums, staring a 40k office job in the face, a dearth of time to write, and a roommate, because even at 40 grand, I can’t afford my apartment by myself. I took a big risk this past year in committing myself to writing, and it’s not paying off. I don’t know what to do, and my back is uncomfortably flat against the wall. I know it sounds terribly precious to be sad about a perfectly fine job, but I loathe office jobs with an extra-flamey white-hot burning passion. And I don’t really have a…

Riding across 14th street, coming back from the beach today, I noticed the world felt a tad tilted. New buildings, new businesses, new art, new stuff in and around my neighborhood had sprung up in some kind of Lamarckian evolution. The world changes quickly when you live in the petri dish of Gotham. There were strange structural half globes glinting metallic in Union Square, and I noticed frozen yogurt shops I’d never heard of; it felt as if I’d been away a lot longer than the seventeen days I’d been gone. New York grows inexplicably, like a fungus. My apartment, however, was exactly…

I never thought I’d agree with anything that Neil Sedaka ever voiced in song, but in this one respect he is correct: breaking up is hard, so hard, to do. Having made that stony blanket statement, now let me backtrack a bit. Breaking up, if you’ve fallen out of love, is not hard to do. Then, actually, it is remarkably easy. It’s like ripping a Band-Aid off a cut that’s healed and on a patch of skin without hair. Breaking up with someone with whom you’re now longer in love is, and forgive the extreme visceral metaphor here—and I warn you, it bears a kind of X-Games intestinal…

Like you, I have a spam box. My box gets filled unto brimming, filled again and again, for no matter how often I empty it, my box seems voracious. Like nature, my box abhors a vacuum, and it must be filled full. The contents of my box often are medicinal in nature. Apparently, many boxes out there are valetudinarian, suffering from anxiety, pain and other sundry physical/emotional ailments. There must be a lot boxes out there suffering similarly, like so many digital neurasthenics queuing in an infinite row for treatment by an affable, if invisible, pharmacologist. I imagine him as a genial…

I’m always curious as to how much information you need to share about yourself before going out with someone. When you meet someone at a bar or a party, the first introduction may not reveal all of the necessary details. Case in point: I recently met a guy at a bar. Nice guy, smart, blah, blah blah…but I could tell right off the bat that he was really young. There was nary a line on his sweet little face. So I asked him how old he was. His response? 24 (I’m 30). He never asked me how old I was, so I didn’t offer up the info, but I did give him my card. Fast-forward…

A friend of mine has been feeding me tales of the douchebaggery that exists within the world of online dating, from obnoxious profiles to bad email exchanges to ridiculous dates. This one killed me: One guy contacted her through OkCupid recently, and sent her a list of bands she “needed to listen to” before they could go out. Um, seriously? As if we aren’t all busy enough as it is, she’s expected to do pre-date homework before it’s acceptable to go out? And is this guy really so scared that he’ll have nothing interesting to talk about other than his…

No, this isn’t a “men suck” posting. It’s actually quite the opposite. I was instant messaging with a friend this morning, who was asking me for some advice. Last Thursday night, after a couple of cocktails, she had a steamy makeout session with a very cute boy. Well, since their tryst, said boy has not contacted her, even though he has her email address (long story, but they were acquaintances before that fateful evening). I found myself saying, “Go ahead! Email HIM!” when I knew full well that I wouldn’t do the same thing if I found myself in the…

We’ve all had someone not call us back, but rarely do we get the opportunity to hear how different people (especially crazy people) deal with it. Well, these might be two of the funniest voicemail messages I’ve ever heard (I’ve been told that they’re real, but who knows?). They star Dimitri the Stud, who clearly thinks pretty highly of himself, and is flabbergasted that the lady of his affections hasn’t responded to his messages. Just listen for yourself. I don’t want to ruin it. Dimitri-TheStud -

Ah, the incomparable joys of going on a first date. I shudder thinking about it: The stilted conversations, the fumbling over the check, the downing of one too many drinks to “relax” (which is sometimes the best way to go)…I could go on and on. Luckily, though, my seriously funny friend Sonia (she of The Sonia Show, who also wrote Ten Online Dating Tips right here on The Dating Lame), has already given the topic some thought, especially the signs as to whether or not you might be on a bad first date. Take it away, Sonia: “So, as I sit here staring at my copies of…

Do married men leave their wives and families for a mistress?The answer is a profound, clear, resounding, NO.Statistics for men leaving their wives and families for a mistress are somewhere around 2-4 percent, but of those, the relationships that actually become healthy long term partnerships are virtually non-existent.All the women who are in a relationship with a married man, who think they are the exception are fooling themselves and not facing reality.Why is it that married men do not leave their wives and families for that young, sexy, available mistress?If a man says he loves his…

One of the most common questions I receive is, where are the great men?Where are the Good men? Do they exist? Are they out there somewhere?Yes there are great men.... no question about this! The problem is not that they don't exist, it is that women are not looking in the right places.Let me share three ideas to help you discover where there are great men.First, if you are not finding a good man, then look somewhere else. We all know that if we keep doing the same things over and over we will get the same results over and over... right? When was the last time you engaged in a new activity?Do…

OK, Perverts this post is for you.STOP SCREWING CHILDREN!I do not care if you are a sports star, a TV star, or a movie star.I do not care if you are a governor, a senator, or the president.I do not care if you think you are a prophet, if you think angels are talking to you, or if you think God or Allah or some other diety is commanding you to sexually use children.In fact I don't care if you think you are King of the world, or God Himself.STOP SCREWING CHILDREN.If you are into child porn, child sexual abuse, or sexually fantasizing about children you are sick and you need help.I do not care…

Why is it that some women overlook great men because they are short?In a world, some women would say, is short of great men, why not realize that there are great short men?Women complain that guys only look for the swim-suit model type of women but it is also true that some women overlook great guys because they are short.So, why are short men nearly invisible to some women?Most likely, a million years or so ago, there was some sort of evolutionary benefit for women to mate with taller men. Maybe they could run faster, throw a stick farther, or see predators over the shrubs better, so yes, we…

Getting a man is easy... having a healthy relationship with a GREAT man may takes more care.How does one get a man?Just go to the local bar, show lots of cleavage, wear bright red lipstick, let guys know you are available and *poof* you will have yourself a guy. OK, so it may not be your dream man but if you are desperate for a man go for it.The problem is, some women think this strategy is going to get them a GREAT man.It is not.Regardless of what some women think, seriously great men are just not interested in having a serious relationship with a desperate woman.Think about it.Desperate…

Well, what can I say about eHarmony? They are one of the premiere dating sites, and for a good reason. I signed up for a full membership, tried it out, and all I can say is they really get down to the nitty gritty as far as what you would like in life. They definitely try hard to match you up with a potential mate!

I rate this site so highly because not only can you comfortably find singles online with a web browser, but you can find them when your away from your computer with your cell phone! Very nice! New singles are joining all the time, and Love.Dada has around 3 million members. It seems with the ease of cell phone AND internet usage, connections are made all the time. I cant recommend this site enough! Dont take my word for it, check out all of the positive and negative features of the site and the Love.Dada dating scene below.

Real Mature Singles is a screened group of single adults who are ready to move beyond online dating and into something real.

If you're 30-ish, or way over it, then you may be looking for a more serious relationship. I think this is one reason why more single women and men seem to find Thirty Plus Singles so successful! This site has lots of no-nonsense dating features, it also has strict rules imposed on its sign-up options. The screening is so stern and thorough that people below 30 and with less than the approved income range of $25,000, cannot join. Beacuse of this, there are more professionals at Thrity Plus Singles compared to most other sites. The quality is highly observed even for its members, and it can be…

Elite Matchmaking for Professional Singles VIP Singles is a true matchmaking service. They assign a personal representative to you. This person reviews the profile that you submit to them, and from there, start suggesting matches. These are hand picked, and human scrutinized results. It really doesn't get much better than this! The personal attention really shines through once you go step through 3 phases of the online sign-up process. We've signed up and tried out VIP Singles for you, below find the 3 step sign-up process outlined.

Because the kids’ father recently worked an out-of-state job, he offered to make up the missed time by taking the children starting… Right…now! So for the next few days I will be enjoying a brief respite from the usual rounds of child-centered life.  What do I intend to do with this time?  I’m so glad you asked! In no particular order, I plan to: Watch “The Price Is Right” instead of “Barney” and “Law & Order” instead of “Hannah Montana.” Finish book proposal, if it bleeding kills me. Spend time naked, covered with…

“When you have a chance,” I whispered to her during a child’s birthday party at my house, “look in the china cabinet.  Top shelf, extreme left.” —— Later, when it was her turn, my friend stroked between G’s legs as she reclined shyly on her stomach.  Before long she thrust her bottom into the air and instead of touching, my friend switched to licking her pouty, swollen lips. I supplied dirty talk, tit-pinching and the occasional cock stroke. G didn’t realize it, but as her arousal increased, my friend lengthened his tongue-strokes to…

On her cross-country trip back home, the always-delightful Essin’ Em and her lovely sister detoured through my little city so as to share dinner with my family. Because I don’t live in the socially-jumpin’ meccas of either coast, my opportunities to meet other bloggers are unfortunately limited.  Alas.  There are any number I’d love to meet, and in this case “meet” doesn’t necessarily mean “fuck,” though there are several who would fall into that category too, you know who you are. My children helped straighten the house and prepare our…

Just because I lurves you.  And don’t want you to get too bored, because I know things have been so incredibly dull around here lately, at least according to some. So take a look at: *Some sexy submission *A very damp administrative assistant *The Hitachi getting quite a work out *A lil femdom fun and it’s not porn, but it is…er…descriptive: *My adventures with a very large dong.  No really.  It’s very large. Enjoy browsing!

“It’s weird…” “What’s weird, honey?” “It’s weird that grown-ups take off their clothes together.” “Why do you think that’s weird?” “Because kids are the ones who take off their clothes in front of each other.  For baths, or changing clothes, or Naked Time.*  Parents are supposed to keep their clothes on.  All the time!” “Hm.  It feels good when you get to be naked, right?” “Yes!  But kids do that!” “Hm.  So do adults, sometimes, when they love each other.”…

It seems that the people Capitol Films have an interest in plot lines that focus on the relationship dynamics of more than two. In 2007 Capitol Filmes acquired THiNKFilm, which brought us the excellent 2006 documentary film Three of Hearts: A Postmodern Family, as well as the very popular sex-positive sexploration film Shortbus Capitol Films's new release is The Edge of Love and is centered on the unconventional, wartime love life of poet Dylan Thomas and the two women who love him. Here's the trailer. The synopsis on the movie's website reveals relationship dynamics - both joys and…

My review of Jenny Block's "Open" book is in the Sex News, Reviews and Interviews category of this week's Sugasm. Click here to see all of the categories and the links to some very fine blog posts. Many thanks to the folks at Sugasm!Sugasm - The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. This Week’s Picks 69 Balanced on the tip of my tongue Impertinent Question Mr. Sugasm Himself Sugar BankEditor’s Choice The Source of All WatersMore Sugasm Join the SugasmSee also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

I'm really looking forward to attending and presenting at Loving More's upcoming west coast conference retreat. I've attended and presented at the east coast conference retreat many times, but never the west coast con until now. Since I'm on Loving More's board of directors, it's high time I showed up for the California con. I hope you'll join me there. IMPORTANT - the deadline for discounted registration, JULY 1, 2008, is rapidly approaching!Loving More(R), the creator of the longest running polyamory-focused conferences, is pleased to announce the 22nd consecutive year of Loving More…

Many people have an interest in seeing that the youths in their lives get comprehensive sex ed and that youth in general not continue to be abandoned to the teaching of inaccurate, even dangerous behaviors with regard to protecting their sexual health. Some, like myself, also object to the ongoing waste of taxpayer dollars via the proposed Senate funding extension discussed below, since abstinence-only sex ed has been repeatedly proven not to work. (See the data in the e-mail you will generate if you are willing to take a couple of minutes and and tell your Senators where you stand on this…

The much anticipated debut of the CBS series Swingtown has finally happened, and I can't wait to see the next episode (this Thursday at 10:00 p.m. EDT). If you missed it last Thursday and need to be brought up to speed, you will find CBS's synopsis here. The lives of the Swingtown characters were instantaneously recognizeable to me, and I'm sure CBS is counting on attracting many of we babyboomers. The most fascinating part of the story for me is that the swinging neighbor couple, Tom and Trina Decker, appear for all the world to have a very affectionate, loving, dare I say solid…

Oh, hello! I’ve taken a break from my new life as an athlete to write on my blog. Nice of me, don’t you think? It seems I have come down with some sort of disgusting cold. I have crud, and it is in my lungs. This, I do not appreciate. I think I must have caught it from the giant germ tube I rode in to and fro Seattle last week. Tonight is Pub Quiz! I am quite certain that my team, comprised of the lovely gals I work with (Hi! Sylke! Cherie! Julia!), some friends (Hi! Kerri Anne!) and some other people will win. FOR SURE. I spent last night making TIARAS out of Fourth of July Star…

I may or may not have mentioned before that I’m taking a golf class with my girlfriends. Actually, more accurately, “Ladies Learn to Golf School!” I added that exclamation point, because I felt as though it needed it. We signed up last week and were told that Tom would be our teacher. There are three things I began telling people after we registered: Tom had better be hot I was on the golf team in high school, so they’ll probably ask me to teach the class OMG! I can finally wear my Izod golf skirt I bought for $5 at the Izod Outlet!! Three things I learned after…

One year ago today, I packed all my belongings into a big U-Haul truck and moved out of a beautiful 2,300 square foot home into a 540 square foot apartment. I left a house that I shared with someone who controlled me, belittled me, and made me feel like an awful person. I spent weeks crying, sometimes at my desk, sometimes in the car. All the time at home. I lost 15 pounds. I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. I took enough Xanax one night to probably kill me, but God was watching over me. My parents were scared to leave me alone. I had forgotten who I was.  I had forgotten that no man…

Hello my dears! I’ve been having SEVERE internet withdrawals. I’m so behind on reading blogs that it’s kind of making me weepy! Here’s what’s been going on in the land of pink. If you see my dentist, please inform him that I’m not speaking to him for the duration. He was very scoldy and pokey with the sharp scrapy thingy today. Just for that? I’m going to not floss until TOMORROW. That’s right! I’m mad! Last night, Chanel, Sylke and I went to see Avenue Q at the Keller. OH MY GOSH. Please go see this. I’ve not laughed so hard in a…

Dear Seattle, There are a few things I’d like to have a talk with you about. Now, I like you very much. So much so, that I used to live here (except I was seven and really had no choice). But really, you are lovely, and I hope you’ll take these items as constructive criticism. Which I only give to people, um places that I love. Number 1 – I suggest you get some sort of light rail system that I can take from the airport to downtown. In Portland, I can get downtown, from the airport for less than two dollars. Here, I had to pay $11 to have a crabby lady take me downtown on a bus. I…

After I got married, my social life suffered.  It took a while, but I got things rolling again with a (mostly) new group of friends. Perhaps not unsurprisingly, most of these new friends were married.  Sure, I had a few single friends, but most of them were out doing things that I had little interest in doing - like dating and finding girls to date.  Single guys just seem to have a different mind set.  It's not bad, I understand it.  It's just different.  The weird thing is that it seemed like my married friends were more interesting.  Instead of talking…

Yesterday I read SavvyDaddy's rather profound exploration of what I consider to be one of the strangest phenomena of marriage and fatherhood: the crumbling of male social networks. SavvyDaddy talks about how becoming a Dad was rough on his social life, not because he became too busy, but because everyone else around him thought he was too busy. Before I got married, I was a bit of a socialite. I had lots of friends, went to lots of parties, and pretty much never wanted for company. I had a group for sports, a group for video gaming, a group for church activities, and there were a fair number…

Just in case you've been hiding under a rock and don't know about the Manival yet, hop on over to ArtofManliness.com and join us in reading this week's tips for the best articles on family, manliness, fashion, and more. My personal favorites this week? Sprezzatura.  Don't know what that word means?  I'm going to start using it more often.  It's an old word for what amounts to chivalry now.  Great word.  I like words.  Read the article written by Alessandro. Chivalry is not dead.  Paul Cat refutes my assertion that chivalry is dead because men are killing…

It's 95 degrees in Portland today as I sit here writing this.  I moved here from Salt Lake City to get away from this kind of heat, dang it. The most viewed posts on A Good Husband in June were: Don't Bash Your Wife 10 Ways to Be A Good Husband Effects of Pornography on Marriage(actually, 3 of the top 5 posts were the series on pornography, but I'll count it as one for these stats)The Ultimate Guide to Winning An Argument With Your SpouseAvoid Cheating, Wandering Eyes The top websites that referred traffic to me were: ArtofManliness.com (again) SimpleMarriage.net CovenantEyes.com…

The results of the poll on religion in marriage have arrived. The first one doesn't really surprise me, as a lot of my readers are LDS, and most of us tend to marry within our faith.  I'd be interested in knowing what percentage of those people were LDS.  If I were a professional pollster, I probably would have thought of that. This was a little bit surprising to me.  First, it was surprising because a lot more people answered this question than they did the first one.  Apparently people are more willing to talk about how often they practice their religion than they are…

A great big thank you to everyone who took a moment to send in a memoir. I loved reading them all, and I hope you did too. Who expected such a range of responses? (Ok, I did but it's still amazing to see). ...

Just because you're a mama doesn't mean you can't be a hot mama. Fabulous After 40 has all the new looks and views for you. Hit the runway to read more!

Could you define your entire life in six words? I find that idea so mind-boggling yet annoyingly seductive. How would you do it, and if you did, what could you really say? That's a fun thing to noodle about especially at 3 a.m. when you have insomnia. ...

Last week we had our big annual summer bash which brings together all the friends we don't get to see during the year. It's tremendous fun and something thought-provoking always comes out of those late-night, Heineken fueled discussions. We got around to talking about relationships (naturally) ...

LifeTwo reminds me of the old Double-mint commercials. You know, many sets of twins exclaiming two, two, two times the fun. Maybe that's because I know Wes will have a ton of fun for Blogging Boomers Carnival #75. Go see for ...

On July 1, 2008, I became even more of a proud Canadian. This past Canada Day, Dr. Henry Morgentaler became one of several new inductees into the Order of Canada (our highest honour). I think it was long overdue.

[img_assist|nid=1948|title=|desc=|link=none|align=right|width=300|height=464]The teen booklet that Madeline and Suzanne over at Lunapdas have been working on for years with my help, as well as help and contributions from Inga Muscio, Sarah Mundy, Emira Mears and Dr. Jerilynn Prior is finally done, and is a gorgeous, fantastic, radical, groovy slice of awesome. Yay!

Today I received my third and final shot of Gardasil, the HPV vaccine. A few weeks shy of my 23rd birthday, I am part of the first generation of women to receive this vaccine. I have to be honest: as far as shots go, it's pretty vile. It hurt more than my tattoos did (of course, to be fair, the tattoos took much, much longer). However, (probably) being protected from four strains of HPV- the four that cause the majority of cervical cancer and genital warts- is worth it.

Far too many marriages have become complex, emotionally-driven interactions of disharmony and discord.And there is such a simple, easy way to make all of that disharmony and discord go away…But, it does require that one set aside all false pride, selfishness, and spitefulness.For every given circumstance, situation and condition, there’s a certain way you want to be interacted with, dealt with, or treated like. And, for that same circumstance, situation and condition, your spouse likewise has a certain way – and possibly a quite different way – that they want to be interacted with,…

It’s a desire that she has been forced to squelch for years and years…It just wouldn’t be proper for her to express her heart’s secret desire.You should know that this desire is at the core of ALL her fantasies…Whether she ever tells you about them or not, these fantasies are waltzing across the dance floor of her mind constantly.She’s had this desire for a really, really long time…In fact, if you were to go back in time, all the way back to when she was a little girl out on the playground…There were two team captains…they were picking players for their respective team…and…

It’s inevitable; your spouse does something that irritates you. And then, in the UNHEARD space of your mind you gripe and vent to yourself about how much your spouse irritates you or how mad they make you. You may even go so far as to dwell upon thoughts of how much you don’t like them, how much you wish they were just gone.But, those thoughts are just the start… Now, you really get going… In the UNSEEN recesses of your mind, you start imagining all kinds of sordid ways to “cure” your spouse, to “correct” them, to “fix” them, and especially, to get back at them, to get…

Let’s suppose for a moment that you learned the art of being a man who consistently flirted with his wife in a way that she found very enjoyable and fulfilling…Just how much do you imagine that would impact your marriage relationship for the good?Well, let me tell you one way it would impact your relationship; your lady would be “turned on” towards you far more than she is now – and that’s something you could handle, couldn’t you?If so, grab hold of these three elements of flirting:1. Your wife wants you to show love towards her in HER way – not yours. What’s “her” way?

I’m sure that we could agree that a strong marriage is one that is based on true love. But, how do you “love” someone? How is it that you really do that?For many people, if you take away the sexual aspect of love, what’s left in their mind is so ambiguous, abstract, and ethereal that there’s really nothing left for them to take action on.Consequently, there’s not nearly enough “loving” going on in way too many marriages.So, let me give you a definition of love that’s “actionable” – a definition that’ll make perfect sense to you and enable you to love your spouse in a…

We’re off tomorrow! Enjoy the 4th of July Frisky readers! Be still my beating heart. French hottie, Gaspard Ulliel, is pictured in the new ads for Longchamp. [Perez Hilton] Pregnant man, Thomas Beatie, welcomed a baby girl. Congratulations to him...

In honor of Independence Day, we asked around for the best things about being single and independent. Here’s the top ten! 10. HOOKING UP “Kissing total strangers when you’re out at bars or on dance floors. No names, no numbers exchanged, just...

To properly celebrate our nation’s birth, you must do these three things tomorrow: grill food, watch fireworks, and wear something (anything) that involves stars or stripes. We’re here to help you with the third. Now, you have a couple options. You...

Dr. Lauri Romanzi, a gynecologist who performs pelvic reconstruction surgery, will open the first spa dedicated to strengthening and grooming a woman’s genitals in Manhattan this month. Taking a cue from the creation of storefront dental spas, like...

In the words of the great Will Smith, “Welcome to Miami…” where people really do party “all night on the beach ‘til the break of dawn.” As the sun gloriously beats down, the streets are lined with so many al fresco diners and strolling locals that...

Lambda Legal, the nations oldest education and legal advocacy group for lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, transgender people and people with HIV, recently premiered a wonderful short documentary on their website....

Is It Asking Too Much for Scientists to Use Scientific Methods? The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) is the catalogue of mental disorders that health care professionals use to diagnose psychological...

Why Scare Tactics Don’t Stop Sex A new study to be published in the August issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health is offering encouragement to parents who prefer to use...

The winners of the inaugural Sexies, the sex positive journalism award, were announced last week. Awards were given out by format with categories including "features" "opinion" and "columns" as...

A study released today in the journal PLoSMedicine reports that patients at STD clinics who were exposed to a 23 minute STD/HIV prevention video had nearly a 10% reduction in...

I've been thinking about you.When you get here, I have brandy waiting but you insist on putting stuff away.Still, I can admire your cute, pert bottom. So inviting that I have to manhandle it as you bend down.Rubbing its roundness and pressing between your buttocks so some pressure is on your cunt, where I linger, getting in your way as you try to complete the jobs in hand.Until, in frustration, I stand over you and tell you to shut up and listen.'I'm going to strip off your skirt and top, stroking you all over as I do. Moving from your neck down to your tits, pushing the straps down your…

Cate really touched a nerve with her post Cinderella DreamsLike Cate, I too had the big white wedding. We had been cohabiting for the last four of the seven years that we had been together before, after much tearful discussion, he was persuaded that he should ask me to regularise our Union.I wanted the big dress - ivory in my case since, after living in sin outside the state of Holy Matrimony for all that time, I couldn't exactly claim to be virginal. I insisted on the Church and the vows before an alter to make it more like the Cinderella scenario I had dreamed of in my youth. As opposed to…

With thanks to the Editor xThe best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #139? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.This Week’s PicksYou’re going to come for me. “I imagined her, bound. Wrists behind her back, whimpering.”Champagne Orgasms “I cry out, begging for him to stop, begging him not to”Tie one on “He slipped his hands under my blouse and teased my nipples and breasts with his strong…

Isa tagged me to do the Book Meme. I actually did this once already a couple of months ago but, of course, I've finished the book I was reading then, since I am quite a voracious reader.1. Pick up the nearest book.2. Open to page 1233. Find the fifth sentence and post the next three sentences.4. Tag some people.Well, naturally, the nearest book is the one I've been reading this weekend. 'You're not the Only One'. Intimate Stories from the Internet. Compiled and edited by Sarah J Peach.Pushing my way past a dear old, unassuming senior citizen, I exited the bus, jettisoned my can of rapidly…